before may arrives, i shall settle down to pen something so far. life hasnt been fantastic but at least better than the past few hectic months. nothing interesting, but just feel that things has changed so much. we cant deny that once certain things has moved a different direction, you cant expect it to turn back. perhaps it takes me more than numerous years to see that. or rather, all along seeing it and understanding it, seeing it with my bare eyes but decided to cover it with lies, and more lies. sometimes, the easiest lie is to cheat oneself, to give yourself excuses to run away and run over it. over rated myself to believe that i am different from any other people. that's why when coming to realize i am no different from any others, it hurt extremely bad. i guess the 2 weeks of March had been really bad enough to let me set awake to see the cruelty in one's heart. i hate to see the difference in you. we are always close so as we always understand each other's difference. i have to admit that i am difficult, but you always have your ways to get me managed. and i am, really intolerable. hate to admit that one day when we stop understanding each other's difference, what will happen? sometimes i would rather things remain like how it used to be, but rather than our distance jumping further each day.

where are you, my best friend?

why has blogger become like this?