if i can, i will lock this entry. do not have to read this long post. its just a post to vent out my feeling(:
and, dun ask me cheer up or anything, because i am not upset(: i just need to say out some feelings from the bottom of my heart.

mixed feeling

i just feel like making a super long post but i dun know where to start from. there's plenty of mixed feeling inside me right now. i feel like just turning myself upside down and pour out everything. i dun mind feeling "feelingless" for this moment. i know there's no such word, but there's no another word that can better describe how i am feeling now.
i wasnt feeling sad, but at the same time i wasnt feeling very happy.
i feel like crying but yet i realize there's nothing that can be pushed out of my eyes. i feel like laughing but yet there wasnt anything to be laughed about.
i feel like turning the volume of my speaker to the maximum but yet i feel like having some peace in my room.
i am somehow waiting for my phone to ring or "beat" but yet i hope no one will disturb me at this moment.
i was feeling anxious and nervous because i am going to travel overseas alone this coming sunday. it will be one of my most nervous trip ever as i had never done this before.
i was feeling lost this early night because i am suppose to go fetch my parents from china town when i'm in choa chu kang. maybe because i am some direction idiot. even though i've lived in singapore for 18 years and drive for 1 and a half month, i still wasnt sure of the direction. daddy gave me the direction but yet i choose to trust myself and go another direction and ended up in town and totally dun know where to go. i am so afraid that daddy will scold me for not following his instruction. there's many people that run through my mind that i hope can help me at that time. i dun know who to turn to and who to ask for direction. that's the reason why i thanked nelson because he's the one that helped me out of it. i woke him up from his sleep and told him how nervous i was. he didnt say anything but just kept helping me out of my way. i do not have any bluetooth or ear piece with me. i just on the speaker of my phone and drove while i listen to him. i dun dare to ring daddy up and tell him i was lost because i was really afraid that he might jsut yell and me for not listening to him.
yes,i had the best dad that love me the best, but no one knows how frighten i will get when my daddy got flared up. inside me, i know daddy wouldnt scold me but yet i still do not dare.
i cant reject daddy's call. so i picked up. like what i expected, he did not even raise his voice to talk to me, but instead, he direct me all the way till i reached china town. the whole process was so scary. but on the other hand, with daddy's voice through the phone, i know that i am safe. i am not lost. i wasnt lost from home. but i'm just afraid i couldnt reach daddy and mummy that time.
when i made the final right turn, i saw the OG in china town and daddy was calling over the phone saying that he was just next to the building holding mummy's hand. i was driving in the busy road when i saw daddy and mummy khong standing just next to the road hand in hand.i dun know why they walked out in the big heavy road but i was so afraid that i just feel like slamming the break immediately and ask them to get into the car.
mummy khong turn over and i saw a super wide smile across her face when she get up the car. daddy didnt scold, daddy didnt praise. that's my daddy but he was smiling while talking to me.
this troubled me throughout the whole night. i got no idea what make it sound so troubled but i just feel there's something pressing down against my heart upon this matter.
reminiscence.
i went to daddy and mummy's bedroom before they go to bed. daddy and mummy was like usual arguing and playing when we start to talk about about our past when 5 of us shared the same bed room. daddy used to make us to sleep by announcing who he loved the most for the day. we know daddy loved all the three of us. but we just love the game that was played. daddy will just make plenty of sound effect before he announce the result and we will be so tensed up and wonder who will he say. when our name is heard, we will just jump up with joy laughing and cheering but daddy might just change the name by saying KHONG.... SHI... MIN.....
'S SISTER! we will be so disappointed while another party jumped up laughing. how much i missed the past and how much i missed sleeping with my parents.

i guess i know why this troubled me the whole night. because, i can be very emotionally affected when things happen between me and my family.
maybe no one understand. maybe no one knows.
no one can be more important to me than my family. any. daddy, mummy, sis or brother. because deep down inside i know they are the people that will never hurt me, love me the most and will give up their lives for me.

i feel that there's still so much to be post but yet i feel like giving it a stop. because i am feeling much better(:

blogger is always a good place to say out what you want and how you feel(:
goodnight

thank you nelson(:

okay. there i'm back at my desktop again. better RE-POST on the photos of yong siang's birthday. but before that, another post.(:
KTV with guan hao and friends(: hahahaha! first time going k with them actually, but it was really funny becuase of the way they sang.
had been hanging out with them for quite a few times during this holiday(:

adonis

JUNXIANG(:
heheehhehe sorry for the super belated photos jun xiang(: hahahahahaha.
met jun xiang quite some time ago(: at least we met up during this holiday huh smelly friend(:
oh, did i mention that i rather touched by you too! hahahahah!
initially we are suppose to meet on tuesday, but as early in the morning, he told me that he wasnt feeling very well but still insisted to meet me at 130.
i rejected and decided to change the date.
"huh, but when will you be free again? you going vietnam already eh"
"thursday?"
"thursday you sure can? sure?"

hahahhaha(:
it might be just a simple sentence, but its enough for me to feel very comforted(:
i had never thought that you cared so much about meeting. i'm glad that you always make the effort to meet me and text me whether you are free(:
i'm really glad for the chalet that allow us to become such close friends(: thanks for always being a good friend of mine(:
now have girlfriend already huh! make sure you take good care of her alright! this will not be worried(: as i know you will be a good boyfriend! hahahahaha!

oh did i mention we queued up for this and the queue was really long? but it tasted good luh(: worth waiting(: hahahaha
let's meet up soon again okay bestie! :D


OH MY GOD! HAHAHAHA! JUST BEFORE I FINISH POSTING THIS POST. SOMETHING HILARIOUS JUST HAPPEN.
because i just thought of smelly friend, so i decided to text him. hahahahah! its long since i make the initiative to text him.
" bestie, what you doing huh? decided to text you first. I AM GOING VIETNAME LE. ANYTHING YOU WANT FROM THERE?"
While using the com and waiting for his reply, he suddenly called.
jx: " huh? you going vietnam already ? now? where are you now?"
hahahahahhahahha!
i just burst out laughing while lowering the volume of my television.
me" i am home! hahahahahhaha!! i am flying soon but not now"
jx" then you say you going vietname LE? i thought you flying now"

hahahahahhahaha!!
jun xiang, i'm touched. i'm really really very touch(: hahahahahha!
thanks for giving me such a great friend(:

weixin(:
always the sweetest babe.
she finally completed her papers and MEET ME! upset that zhen couldnt join us becuase of her dance. but its alright(: we'll see each other soon enough.
went to k which i had dread for so long. did not loose a single bit of my voice.



WAHAHAHAHHA! I SOMEHOW "promised" xin that i wouldnt post this photo. no no, i did not promise, i just say i wouldnt but i did! hahahaha! because every single time i see this photo, i just can't help but burst out laughing! hahahahah! she wasnt ready at all.




head down to sembawang for aston.
darn. its such a worth meal ever. simply 8 bucks for a complete set of meal(: hahahahha!

we wanted to SHOPPPPED IN GIANT.

xin says that. and when she step in, she just head towards the bread department, look at those bread and left giant. that's what she meant of SHOP. stupid girl(:

i couldnt believe that when i told mum what happen today.
she teared.
that's how emotional women are.
and always, they are always soft-hearted.

only to certain people.

rest in peace, uncle phua.

send uncle phua his last journey this afternoon.
tears are really hard to hold back. its never easy to stop your tears from running down when you faced the scene with his family moaning in pain. its tougher to see your best friend taking in the pain of a close kin leaving his side.
tried really hard to hold back.
but the scene is just unbearable.
when houwen run towards his dad with the friends holding him back, your heart will just ach.
when houwen collapsed kneeling down in front of his dad.
when his relative holding back his mum while her mum is yelling out to his dad not to leave her and she couldnt send him off.
when houwen and his sister shouting out loud to his dad to run away from the fire and not to get burn.
"pa..." the voice is still there.
a happy boy of ours have to take in the pain of loosing his dad. i hope you will recover and stand up real soon, and i know you will be just fine, because you are houwen.
he will still be looking after you and your family from above.

please take care.
we love you.

R.I.P uncle phua.

I'M PROUD!

NAHAHAHA(:
I'm proud to do this(: hahahahahah!
met mr weide and set off to general hospital for blood donation. did i mention that this is the second time there? first time the department was closed. so we head there the second time. we have to fill in the form like this.
and the question was really oh my god. like
"will you have sex with someone with HIV?" i came across this question and i just feel like answering "who will"

how dumb right? fine, its for safety(:HAPPILY FILLING IN THE FORMS.
and BYE, stupid weide couldnt donate because his blood pressure was low and was not suitable for donation.
can you imagine, a fit guy like and he had donated his blood twice!!! but his blood pressure was too low. hahahah! so he went for the empty trip and i had to enter the room myself!
how nervous i was and i wanted to drag weide in with me, but according to the rule, it was not allow!
uh huh. so i face the battle myself! haha! but, it wasnt painful at all, and the nurses was really nice(:
they bandaged my arm like this after donating.


i find it really meaningful, and i'm going there again three months later.
weide, please make sure your blood pressure is suitable then. if not i got to drag someone else with me! hahahahah(:

a good day though(:

i feel the need to talk to linh, zhen and xin so much.
though i know i am seeing them very soon. but i missed the time together.
so much.

YONGZHEN(:
yeah, zhen found me a two days job lobang at marina square as ACER promoter! how funny when i know NOTHING about computer and i worked as a promoter. i dun even know about ram and the most basic thing about computer.
so, you can imagine what i am doing there.
basically i was just standing there, waiting for the time to pass and giving out the brochures. wahahaha!
the job is actually boring, and the pay wasnt good. but, i love it because its a good time meeting up with yong zhen. hugging her when i'm bored can be nice. hahahahha! huifong dun get jealous huh!
hahahaha! i know a number of nice sales men from gain city as well(:
and the best thing was, i even bought my new laptop there. i didnt purchase ACER, but instead i bought LENOVO. okay, i got no idea what brand was there before i worked there.

i just dun feel that we are working there. can you imagine we had THAI EXPRESS for our dinner on the second day and i can say boooom! there it goes our pay. we are more like enjoying than working, right yz? hahahaha!








hahahah! all this were taken on the last day before going off to wait for my dad.
thanks yong zhen(: i had a good good time with you(:

i hope he does not read my blog. because i'm afraid that things that i've written will upset him even further.
life is fragile. aint so?
i remembered the last time i said this wasnt long ago, to dickson.
but now again it happen. though its not accident, but it still stir up the same sadness inside me.
i can't help to think how weak human beings really are. no matter how strong we are, how fortunate we were. we can never fight against illness. when we are diagnosed with illness that is incurable, it still bring us away regardless of what.
my heart really aches when i see him holding back telling me, i have to be okay even if i am not.
i imagine how he have to carry the whole responsibility to take care of his mother and sister. he have to be really strong.

my heart really really aches when i see him
why are you so cruel? why.
i know there is no reason.

i hope you can hold on, you have to because they need you.
and you know we will be there for you no matter what. you will never be alone.
take care, buddy.

okay. i guess it will take me some time before i am able to make the post on yongsiang's birthday becuase i need to use my desktop in order to make the post. hahahhaha!
so first. i shall post something more recent(:
YAY MAN! I MET THEM UP LIKE SO FINALLY.
i swear with my life that i miss them miss them miss them!
especially yew zhen when i only get to see her this time ever since my holiday. i met up with so many people but i've yet to meet her up! how can that be possible you see!
hahahha! and xin was so busy with her papers that i can hardly meet her too!
how much can i miss them i guess no one knows. but like so finally. and i'm so glad to see them(:

oh my god, i am angry angry angry!
ROARS~
I was uploading and making a post on yong siang's birthday celebration.
and i got no idea what's wrong with this laptop or what's wrong with my finger, the whole post was deleted when i just need to finish the last two sentence.
ANGRY.
never mind.
since all the photos is in the desktop and i couldnt use it now, i guess i will make another post with just WORDS because there are also times when i was out without anyphotos(:

GEENA & YONG ZHEN(:
stay over, was fun! awesome(:
Since yong zhen's mum went overseas, she organise a stay over definitely for just the two of us. yes, hahahaha! finally made up a day from the busy schedule, huh geena? hahahahah!
we reached there pretty late after buying suppers and all. but still, the best catch up. we update each other with everything that hadnt been updated. we had more "GIRLS TALK" than usual. hahahahha! three girls squeezing on a queen size bed wasnt that bad, it was cosy. especially when you know that the person lying next to you is someone that loved you and someone you trusted. best friends(:
hahahahha!
geena fall asleep quickly while yong zhen and i chatted until 4 in the morning i guess? hahahaha!
i really had a great great time. thanks geena & yongzhen(:

had been meeting up with yong zhen more than usual during this holiday. hahahaha! more updates on the past two days.
but zhen also accompanied me to woodlands to had bao bei's hair chopped off. i drove around woodlands for like 3 rounds in order to find that pet shop. hahahaha!

and bao bao is now throwing temper.
her bad bad temper.
i guess description is only written to guan hao. three pages description of "after hair cut bao bei" hahahhahaha!
but she'll be fine soon! hahahha!

love yongzhen&geena(:

do they have holiday and take a break during public holiday?
if yes, i'll stay aput and wait in fron of my computer(:
i do not mind.
hehehehhehe(:



and i am trying out my new lap top(:

TAKE CARE LIAN WEI, brother(:
hahahahhaha! finally met up with lian wei, before and after jason's birthday party(: hahaha!
thanks for the treat at eighteencafe(:
i'm glad to have met them up, especially meeting wan yee. i really missed her so much(:
its always good to hang out with two people that i can really really trust.
i've entrusted them with many deep secrets. thanks for always being there for me.
















we talked throughout the early midnight(>
hahahahah!
i am really glad, to have them in my life, to trust me and listen to me.